


Choices, Not People, Define Us

by AgeOfMiracles



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A little bit of angst, I absolutely love Hawksilver, If you couldn't tell by my previous fics, M/M, Nat is a good friend, So is Clint, so they are everywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-18 03:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8148184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgeOfMiracles/pseuds/AgeOfMiracles
Summary: The Avengers smiled at each other. This was their family. One crazy, rich, dangerous family but they wouldn’t change it for the world. Steve was so blinded by his disappointment that Bucky didn’t remember that he failed to see that he already was Steve’s best friend. Steve didn’t need him to remember everything, Steve could do that for the both of them. He just needed Bucky to want to be his friend. Lines are infinite and Steve and Bucky would be forever.





	

Steve sank down against the wall outside medical. Was he really doing this? Was he really so selfish? Steve sighed, yeah he probably was. Bucky had been back for over a year and Steve could see he was trying so hard to remember. He got flashes, brief ones but not enough to fill in the big gaps. Steve could see how excited Bucky was, how star struck he was by the new century. As much as Steve wanted him to remember, it wasn’t fair to Bucky. He had a chance to live the way he never got to before Hydra. Steve didn’t like to think he was pushing but he knew Bucky could see how disappointed he was every time he couldn’t remember something. Was that so bad though? Steve just wanted back the one person he couldn’t live without. A life without Bucky was no life at all Steve had decided when he first woke from the ice so he became a ghost. The Avengers had helped, made him feel more like an actual living person but Bucky was what he needed. And here he was, just not quite how Steve imagined. But none of that mattered anyway. This was Bucky’s chance at life and Steve would be damned before someone including himself took that from his best friend. He pushed himself off the wall and rushed to meet Bucky and the avengers in the living room. 

When Steve walked in, Bucky had his head in hands with Natasha leaning over talking quietly to him. The others hovered around in concern. Steve strained to hear what Nat was saying.

“It’s ok James. You’ll be ok. You have so many opportunities, so many choices. You can do anything now all you have to do is choose.” Steve moved closer.

“That’s actually incorrect Nat” Bruce and Tony looked up from the couch in surprise. Clint and Nat automatically moved closer to Bucky. Sam frowned but Steve waved him off. 

“He doesn’t have many choices, he only has two” Steve finished. Natasha glared.

“Steve! What the hell are you doing?” She hissed.

“Sorry Nat but he has to hear this.” Nat continued to glare murderously at him.

“Trust me. I know what I’m doing.” Steve moved to sit in front of Bucky.

“Hey pal” Bucky startled and looked at him tiredly.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want all these choices Steve, take them away please” Bucky begged. Steve caught his flailing hands. Wincing a little when the metal fingers squeezed to tight.

“Buck? Bucky listen to me. Nat’s not exactly wrong but she’s not completely right either.” Bucky stilled but stared pleadingly at him with wide pale eyes.

“Your choices are simple, move on or don’t.”

“Uh Steve? What are you doing?” Sam asked cautiously.

“Giving my best friend the means to survive” Steve murmured.

“Don’t you think you’re a little biased there Cap?” Tony interjected. Steve glared at him.

“Yes I am very biased. That’s why this has to be me.” Bruce and Clint exchanged a glance but didn’t speak.

“Now Buck. I know you think that’s probably a mean thing to say because everyone tells you to move on but contrary to popular belief, you don’t actually have to” Steve started gently.

“For some people, moving on is not an option. So they choose not to. People might not agree with their decision but for them it’s the only way to survive. When you lose someone you always have the choice of moving on but sometimes standing firm, planted between the past and present is better than stepping forward.” Steve glanced at the others, they all looked confused but no one interrupted. Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand and smiled faintly.

“You have so much you can do if you want to and you don’t have to move on to do that. Your choice only affects how you deal with your loss and guilt. Some chose to move forward and live the life they want and hoping that they can eventually be forgiven. They choose not to let their guilt control them. But others chose to gain forgiveness by trying to make up for what they did. Giving their life as a sort of tribute to their loved ones or their victims.”

“How did you choose?” Bucky asked quietly. Steve breathed deeply.

“People say not to let your past define you but mine does. I can’t live without my past, I need it to live, so I’m not a ghost. The people I lost and the people I killed make me who I am. So I hang onto them like a lifeline. That’s how I can still be Captain America without wanting to kill myself” Steve chuckled. Bucky looked horrified at that so Steve brushed his hair back in reassurance.

“Neither are easy Buck. I’m sure Sam, Clint and Nat can attest to that right?” He inquired, turning to them. Nat and Clint grunted and Sam nodded sadly.

“But they’re here, despite everything. Nat wants to wipe the red from her ledger so she chose not to move on, Clint wants to move on and I think his relationship with the elder Maximoff is evidence enough and Sam is trying to live his life anew as well.” They all nodded in agreement. 

“I don’t know about Tony, he’s kind of a special case” The corners of Bucky’s lips curled.

“Damn right I’m special” Tony crowed haughtily. “But seriously what Steve’s saying makes sense Robocop” Steve eyed Tony curiously who shrugged in explanation.

“You see. You’ll never be alone no matter what you choose. The Avengers are your friends now so you’ll always have them.” Bucky lifted his head and looked him in the eye.

“What about you? Will you stay?” Steve started in surprise.

“If that’s what you want then as of course I will”

“What if I choose to move on? I don’t want to live without you Stevie” Bucky begged.

“I’ll be there Buck. I don’t deny that it’ll be hard but I’ll damn well try”

“I want to go see the world Steve. I want to have a life where I don’t have to kill people. I don’t want to fight anymore.” Steve moved his hand to Bucky’s cheek and moved his thumb up and down the soft creases.

“You can go anywhere you want” Steve promised.

“I’ll pay for everything” Stark added. “Anything you need Sarge.”

“We’ll all be here if you need James” Bruce vowed.

“You’re part of the family now” Clint declared. “And we do anything for family.” Steve looked at them all proudly.

“Will you come with me?” Steve whipped back around to face his best friend.

“What?”

“I know it’s selfish and you have more important things to do but I don’t want to forget you. I never want to forget you” Bucky confessed.

“It’s not selfish. Selfish was me thinking that you had to remember everything in order to be my best friend” Steve smiled happily and kissed Bucky’s temple. 

“So yeah, I’ll come with you James Buchanan Barnes” Bucky froze.

“Really?”

“Yeah of course. The end of the line jerk, we haven’t reached it yet and I hope we never do.” Bucky jumped forward and wrapped his arms around Steve tightly. Steve laughed and ran his fingers through Bucky’s soft hair. The Avengers smiled too each other. This was their family. One crazy, rich, dangerous family but they wouldn’t change it for the world. Steve was so blinded by his disappointment that Bucky didn’t remember that he failed to see that he already was Steve’s best friend. Steve didn’t need him to remember everything, Steve could do that for the both of them. He just needed Bucky to want to be his friend. Lines are infinite and Steve and Bucky would be forever.


End file.
